The voice in my head

Today seems like a typical Fall day. The wind is blowing leaves off the trees, there’s a chill in the air and I’m sure if I listen closely, Christmas Carols are playing close by. It’s the 1st day of December and the holidays are in full swing. I’m still stuffed from all of the turkey & pumpkin pie and fear it will take months to reverse its damage to my figure 😉 I’ve wasted hours in lines on Black Friday and still have so much to do, but today it doesn’t matter. Today the world is still, my worries removed, my lists are put away, the stress of not having enough of many things is gone. Right now, I choose this moment to take back control of my thoughts, my body, my life! I have let fear rule my decisions, my need for approval from others and the need to feel safe. What fun is there in being safe? I have no control over most of the things that I fear, but I do have control over how I will let them affect me and my life.

The voice in my head, the one that I want to hear, that sometimes gets too quiet to hear over the negative tapes that replay over and over again. You know, the tapes that say “I’m not good enough” or “I’m dumb” or “I can never have that or be that!” Those tapes get so loud that I can’t hear the small voice that gives me peace. I cry out for that voice, but it’s me who controls the volume of the tapes and if they play. I’m the one who drowns out the small voice. It’s a choice, it’s all a choice, life, death, love, hate, give, take, win, lose, peace & chaos!

The small voice in my head…is Jesus 🙂 He’s such a gentleman, He speaks softly, doesn’t dare to interrupt, uses the sound of my voice so I won’t be frightened and He never stops whispering in my ear that I’m worthy, that I’m loved, that I was not a mistake, that I can do ALL things with His help, if I just chose to listen.  Lord, I’m so sorry for putting you in a place where you can’t be heard, be paid attention to, listened to and valued for your words. You are the only voice I want to hear 🙂 I chose you!

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